


when i think of home, i think of you

by 20toe (orphan_account)



Category: NU'EST
Genre: M/M, Minhyun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/20toe
Summary: And the doors open up easily for him, to a place he vividly remember. A place that he had missed so terribly.A place where Kim Jonghyun is.





	when i think of home, i think of you

 

It is not that minhyun isn’t grateful to what he have now. He does and still am. Anything, anything is better than what he used to have. He remembers the blank and empty space on his calendar. He remembers desperately asking his manager for some work, it doesn’t have to be a big gig, just something. At least something. Not that it ever done him or his group any good. Even if they did have a gig, it will be them appearing for measly 20 seconds of airtime. The nation still labeled them as a no name group. And yet, he remembers feeling over the moon for that 20 seconds.

Now, minhyun is living the dream. A dream-like reality --one that he can’t ever think of five years back--that he shares with ten other individuals.

 _Ten is a lot of people_ , was what his mind supplies at first.

Nevertheless, Minhyun ended up loving each and one of them, he takes pleasure for caring after them. He always knew that he had it in him to be a mother figure to others. The only difference is that now, there are actual kids in the group that he can coddle and smother with abundance of love, which by the way he has plenty to spare. Maybe, he is becoming a _mother_ after all. Once he has establishes a role, a fixed routine within the group, it isn’t too hard for him to blend into the foreign environment. He is content with that.

He really, really, should be content. He does, no doubt about it.

It just sometime, sometime when he is too overwhelmed with work and honestly, his very own ten other members. His stupid, useless, big head, reminds him again that: _man, ten sure is a lot._

In that particular moment, his heart aches to go to a place of a much simpler time. Somehow, he allows himself to pretend to be in that place. He let himself wonder and wander, almost as if he is astral projecting himself to that place and time when he felt most at home.

A place where there is a Kim Jonghyun in it.

—

He sees it, the door of his previous apartment. It was gray in color and had a little dent on it. Minhyun can not recall who was the culprit behind it, knowing how wild they all were during their teens, it could be anyone. He presses in the pin numbers into their security system, hoping that no one changes it. Fortunately, no one did. And the doors open up easily for him, to a place he vividly remember. A place that he had missed so terribly. A place where Kim Jonghyun is.

He steps into the apartment and closes the door behind him. He thinks of calling after his members before he continue his steps —as a matter of fact he is sort of, kind of, entering someone else’s house without permission, ignoring also the fact he used to live here, minhyun still feels like he is intruding— so he did.

‘H-hey guys. It's me, your good ‘ol friend haha Minhyun, remember?’  
‘Guys?’

There was no reply.

‘Arong hyung?’  
‘Dongho-ah?’

The deafening silent pierced through his body, minhyun is sure that he must be bleeding.

‘Minki?’ He tries again. Silence.

Minhyun pauses. He can hear his heart beats loudly against his chest and the blood is rushing to his ears. He swallows nothing and hold his breath. Try, again.

‘Jju, jonghyun-ah’

Again. ‘Jju-ah’

Another pause. Minhyun is about to call out the name again when he hears a reply.

‘Here.’ The voice softly echos that Minhyun almost misses it. He let out the breathe he has been holding. And he braces himself forward to a place he’s used to call his home.

When minhyun reaches the living room, he sees that the door to the veranda is opened. He must be out there, no wonder the voice sounds so faint.

From where Minhyun is standing he can feel the summer breeze flows into the house grazing his skin lightly. _Its warm_ , he thinks, _just like how Jonghyun is_. He walks again until he reaches the outside of the veranda and sees two chair there. And one of them is occupied by him.

‘Hey’ him, Kim Jonghyun greets. ‘Have a seat, have a seat’ Jonghyun looks up at Minhyun and flashes him a smile. It was so breathtaking, it almost made him cry. Almost.

‘It’s been a while’ Jonghyun says turning his head to the view in front to look at nothing in particular.

‘Yeah..’ Minhyun dumbly nod as he sits down ‘been a while’ he mumbles.

And out of nowhere Jonghyun barks out a laugh. Minhyun flinches, slightly taken back by the sudden changes in jonghyun’s demeanor.

‘Pft I-im sorry. I’m-’ Minhyun watches as Jonghyun tries to calm down from his fit of giggles. He traces with his eyes the wrinkles around jonghyun’s eyes, jonghyun’s high prominent cheekbones, the shape of Jonghyun’s lips.

 _Lips_ , the voice in his head repeats.

Minhyun wants to trace his features and remembers them. He wants to know how it feels to touch them under his fingertips. Tentatively, he cups jonghyun’s face with one hand.

Jonghyun immediately shuts up. It works, it usually do.

He lift his other hand to cradle jonghyun’s face in his palms successfully makes jonghyun’s breath hitches. He runs the pad of his thumbs on jonghyun’s cheeks, fascinated by the beautiful shade of red spreading across them.

‘Like peach’ he mutters.

Jonghyun’s eyes slowly flutters shut, enjoying the sensation of a pair of warm hands caressing his face. Then, minhyun touches his eyelids, his eyebrows, his nose. Everything, Minhyun wants to memorize everything about his face. Minhyun’s eyes flicker down to jonghyun’s lips as his thumb hovers on them. They look soft, no, he knows they are soft and he thinks of how they would molded perfectly against his, all soft and pliant like that.

He pauses for a moment. He’s getting too worked up. If Minhyun continues it wouldn’t end well. So, he stops. He slides his hands down to cup jonghyun’s neck instead. Pressing a slight pressure on it. 

Noticing that minhyun has stop all of his ministration, Jonghyun opens his eyes and look back at him.

‘Hey’ he unintentionally whispers his word ‘why’d you laugh?’

Jonghyun cocked his head to the side, thinking of an answer ‘because of your funny face’

‘What?’

‘Hehet just kidding’

Minhyun stares at the boy in his hand. Not knowing what was meant by his words. Whatever, he’ll just enjoy staring at jonghyun’s face for the time being. He sigh in content? relief?

He wishes this is what he can do all day, to just look at him.

‘Minhyun’

‘M’yeah’

‘I think its time, you have to go’

Ah, thats right. This version of jonghyun is how Minhyuns keeps him in his mind. This version of jonghyun is a fraction of his imagination. This version of jonghyun is not real.

‘Why?’ He ask as he lets go of his hold off jonghyun’s neck, eyes darting away from the boy. This came out harsher than he intends. He should apologizes but he didn’t. Minhyun is mad, damn it, of course he knows why. If people find out that he had some sort, out of ordinary projection of one of his ex-members. People would call him crazy. Maybe he already is. Of course, he is. No one in the right mind would ever do this. This isn’t normal.

To hell with what’s real and normal. He sees jonghyun and he touches him. Minhyun is happy with that. Just let him stay a little than longer, is that too much to ask.

‘I want to stay with you’ he sounds like he is pleading. He is. He pleads and begs to any powerful being to had existed, who is listening to him at this moment. Please.

‘With you, forever’ Let him be with this boy.

Jonghyun looks at him with sad eyes.  
‘They need you there Minhyun-ah. Please, don’t be sad. I’m always here’ jonghyun says. He didn’t realize he’s crying not until jonghyun lightly places his hand on his cheeks, sweeping the tears away with his fingers.

‘Always, so don’t worry hm?’ Minhyun places his hand on top jonghyun’s and squeeze it.

Really, how selfish can he possibly get. He can only think of no one but himself. He force out a chuckle. Why does it has to be jonghyun instead of a selfish bastard like him. Why? jonghyun deserve so much more. 

He brings the small of jonghyun’s hand to his lips, tracing along the bump of his knuckles and he softly kisses them.

‘I hope you take responsibilities to what you just said’ he sniffles out a reply. Seriously, he is so lame. No wonder Jonghyun laughs at him, constantly. He meets Jonghyun’s kind eyes and the other didn’t need to say anything. Minhyun understands from those gazes: ‘I will’ it says.  
  
They hold the stares for a few more seconds. And not long after, Jonghyun opens his mouth to say something.

‘Minhyun-ah, I love you’ is the last thing he heard before everything fade to black.

—

Minhyun wakes up with a jolt. Both of his cheeks are damp with tears.  
Crying huh? That’s new.

He looks at the clock, it reads 5:50 a.m. It’s still early but he needs to prepare breakfast for ten extra mouths. He needs to make sure that everyone follow the bathroom schedule and the time allocated on each usage. The dirty clothes are piling up fast so laundry needs to be done asap. That boy Guanlin keeps on buying new pair of socks rather than to wash his dirty ones. Its gonna be headache to wake Daniel, Jihoon and Woojin up. Minhyun wonders what time do the trio sleep at. Wait, do Daehwi and Jinyoung have school today? And their school uniforms. Oh, fuck.

He let out a sigh as he stretches his arms  
and got off the bed.

‘Another normal day ahead’ He looks at the clock again, 6:01 a.m. It seems that it is not that early, not at all.

‘You’re right jju, they do need me here.’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday, twitter kept showing me jonghyun’s face on produce final and it made me sad. So, this is me channeling away my sadness.
> 
> This is very self indulgence. I got too carried away in projecting my feelings for Jonghyun. I have no excuse.


End file.
